A Lot of Men Hate Women | The Check-In - February 27, 2026
Me, 2/17/26, South Lake Tahoe, California
Letter
Dear Reader,
This is a new thing I’m starting to share what I’m reading, thinking, consuming, and sometimes dreaming.
On February 14th, I attended the memorial service for my former boss at PACEs Connection, the most beloved job of my career. Jane Stevens passed away last November from a brain tumor. I looked up to as a mentor and thought of her as a kindred spirit. She was imperfect, but I admired her whip-smart intellect and the way she could connect many different fields and topics to create a coherent framework for “society’s most intractable problems,” as she would say.
While at the service, I flipped through the 1997 handbook she created while teaching at UC Berkeley’s School of Journalism: Reporting on Violence, A Handbook for Journalists. It was written by Jane and edited by Lori Dorfman. Lori was at the memorial service, and I asked her what journalism was like that impelled them to write and edit this handbook. She said that journalists described violence as if it were an inanimate object—like it just happened randomly with no cause, no conditions. They wanted to add context so that readers and society would start to understand that violence can be prevented and should be treated like any other public health problem.
I never knew that there was a time when violence wasn’t treated like a public health problem. I hadn’t realized that my beloved former boss, Jane, was responsible for the field that motivated me to go back to school to attain a Master’s in Public Health in 2018. In 2017, I read Bessel van der Kolk’s book The Body Keeps the Score and learned about the 1998 Adverse Childhood Experiences study. I already had a career in violence prevention through the economic empowerment of women in the Fair Trade industry (I worked in Fair Trade from 2011-2017), but I wanted to do more. I didn’t really know about the field of public health/epidemiology until my aunt Gigi suggested I look into it if I wanted to work in violence prevention. All of that led me to work at PACEs Connection, the nonprofit that Jane started in 2012, where PACEs stands for Positive and Adverse Childhood Experiences.
After the memorial in Sacramento, I drove to South Lake Tahoe and got in just in time to avoid a giant blizzard. I went out in the blizzard for a walk and caught some apocalyptic photos.
Blogs this period:
Instagram videos:
Warmly,
Alison
On my Mind
A lot of men hate women. After doing my intentional dating challenge for 2.5 years, Romance by Rail, one of my biggest takeaways was how naive I was about the high prevalence of contempt for women, in ways large and small.
In any dating I do moving forward, I want to be diligent about screening for misogyny and choose men to spend time with who either started adulthood with very little to none of it, or have done deep healing work examining their misogynistic inheritance.
This TikTok made me laugh out loud.
Most men have been mysteriously quiet about the Epstein Files. One social media influencer commented that it’s because they see themselves more in the perpetrators than in the victims.
I actually think that’s not too dark—it means that men need to acknowledge and heal their inner victim part—the part of them who was abused or neglected in childhood but wasn’t allowed to feel or process any of the grief. This turns victims into perpetrators of violence through traumatic reenactment.
Action Item:
Talk to a stranger.
This week I was standing in line to scan my ID at our local cannabis dispensary, URBN Leaf. While it’s normally a quick scan and then you’re through, the young guy in front of me was taking a looooong time.
He turned around to those of us waiting in line behind him and said, “My bad!” Lol. It was so cute! I asked him if it was his first time here. He said it was. That means they have to enter all of his information into the system, which can take a few minutes. I could tell he was nervous on his first visit. It can be an intimidating experience since you have to check in with a security guard at the front, then wind your way through multiple club-like lobbies to get to the room with the cannabis for sale, all behind panes of glass and many employees standing around staring at you. With my friendliness and tone, I could offer him some reassurance on this new experience.
On the way out, I chatted with a different guy about how we liked this shop. He was nice, and it was another cute moment with a stranger.
I like these micro moments of connection, and I think we should do them deliberately.
Challenge yourself to talk to a stranger this week.
Reading, watching, and listening to:
Listening.
My friend Joy recommended the podcast The City: Reno to understand the urban planning tension between “Old Reno,” as “Vice City,” a city of brothels, strip clubs, and quick one-stop divorce shops, and “New Reno,” which includes rebranding Reno as a whole university city. It came out in 2019 and handled the issue well, although it left a lot to be desired in its coverage of how stripping and whoring affect women and culture broadly. I recommend it!
Reading.
I’m onto Vol2 of One Nation Under Blackmail: The Sordid Union Between Intelligence and Organized Crime that Gave Rise to Jeffrey Epstein, after finishing Vol1 in August.
“Uncover the dark underbelly of power, crime, and intelligence in this explosive exposé.
One Nation Under Blackmail, Volume Two delves into the sordid union between intelligence agencies and organized crime that enabled Jeffrey Epstein's rise. Whitney Webb unearths the hidden networks and powerful figures who protected Epstein, exposing the disturbing reality of sexual blackmail as a tool of control.
Is it for you? If you're drawn to true crime, political intrigue, and the hidden forces shaping our world, this is a must-read. Why buy now? Because the truth matters. Discover:
The key players in Epstein's rise and early career
Evidence of Epstein's connections to intelligence agencies
The evolution of blackmail in the digital age
From the Clinton White House to Silicon Valley, Webb connects the dots, revealing a chilling landscape where secrets are currency and power is wielded through manipulation. Prepare to question everything you thought you knew.”
Buying/Using:
Hair care.
Trader Joe’s Hair Oil. $5.99.
I lost a lot of hair in July and August from stress and using cheap shampoo. I’d been wanting to try a hair oil, and when I got back to the states in December, I saw that TJ’s had added one to their cosmetics lineup—score! I’ve been using it every time I wash my hair, which is 2-3x a week. I apply it to damp hair at the roots at the front of my hair and then to the ends of my hair and brush it through, then I blow dry as usual. It adds volume without grease! I’ve noticed so many new baby hairs growing back, so it’s working!
Health & Fitness:
Exercise.
I unfortunately caught a cold while galavanting in the blizzard, so I’ve been taking a break from running and weight lifting and prioritizing yoga.
Social Life:
I got to see two of my long-time friends last week: Crystal (L) and her family in Tahoe, and Joy (R) and her family in Reno. I’ve known Crystal since 2007, when we had a class together in Sustainable Development in Latin America at UC Berkeley, and Joy since 2012, when she volunteered at the Fair Trade store I managed in San Luis Obispo. I’m grateful I got this girl time and for the endurance of these friendships.
