I Tried Dating Apps—Now I’m Asking for Your Referrals | Do You Know Someone I Should Meet?
In the fall of 2023, I went on a spontaneous adventure across Europe, and somewhere between trail running in Finland and watching a Chopin recital in Poland, a wild idea hit me: what if I turned my love of trains, travel, and connection into an intentional dating project?
And so Romance x Rail was born.
For the past year, I’ve been traveling from Paris to Istanbul (and beyond), mostly by train, trying to go on dates in each city while working remotely for my consulting company, Tend Collective. From Vienna to Cappadocia, Marseille to Zurich, I’ve had 17 in-person dates (plus countless digital conversations) with men from all kinds of backgrounds. Architects, doctors, editors, engineers (so many engineers…). Some read books (very hot). Some held my hand (hotter). One ghosted me after four months and left me brokenhearted (not hot). But every person taught me something about human nature, the value of connection, the beauty of presence, and the adventure in staying curious..
Now, after a year+ of learning, laughing, crying (sometimes in train bathrooms), healing, and writing about it all, I’m realizing something: I might need to try the ye olde style of meeting someone: the friend setup.
I had ChatGPT analyze my dating blogs, and it says I’m looking for someone with:
Emotional availability
Intellectual curiosity
A sense of humor
Playful physical affection
And a lifestyle that overlaps with mine (Chat said another nomad, but I don’t need another nomad)
So, friends, family members, former coworkers, past acquaintances, and readers, I’m turning to you…
You know me. You know what I’m about. You’ve followed along on my dating train ride, reading about Jean 1 and Janos 5 and Can 14 and the rest of the cast. You know I’m serious about wanting a deep, committed, joyful, and reciprocal partnership.
Here’s what I’m looking for now (ChatGPT generated a list based on my blogs, and I adjusted):
🧠 Emotionally intelligent & introspective
He’s done therapy (or something), is working on himself, and can talk about his feelings without going stiff or silent. He’s someone who has the capacity to reflect, own his stuff, and show up in a relationship with maturity and compassion, even imperfectly.
📚 Reads (and ideally loves) books
Not just “I read a book once,” but someone who truly enjoys ideas and has a curious, open mind. Nonfiction, fiction, philosophy, psychology—someone with a genuine curiosity for ideas.
💪 Active lifestyle
He doesn’t have to run 30 miles a week like I do, but movement is a regular part of his life. Trail running, hiking, cycling, yoga, climbing, swimming, dancing—whatever it is, he enjoys moving his body.
✨ Touchy, affectionate, warm
He’s a hand-holder and reach-for-your-hand-across-the-table person. (Read more about my adventures in hand-holding in this blog).
🦦 Playful. Can “yes, and…” (But also grounded).
“Yes, and…” is an improv game and method where if one person introduces a scene, the other person continues the scene by affirming what the first person said and then adding to it. If I text you a photo of a cat and say, “this cat is tired,” a good “yes, and…” might be “yes, tired of my bullshit” or “I’m right there with it. 2025 vibes. Have you seen the news today?” and then I could say, “this cat heard your excuses and will have none of them” or “this cat is taking a little newscycle break for its own sanity.”
❤️ Wants partnership and children
I’m 40. I want to avoid time-wasters like the plague. Only men who are serious about wanting a committed relationship and trying for a child. I’m looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with, working through conflicts together, growing together, and challenging each other to be the best version of ourselves while hold space for the times when we’re our worst.
If you know someone and they’re not sure if they want a kid or they’re not sure they want commitment, NEVER SEND THEM TO ME. I’m not here to convince or fix.
So... do you know someone?
Maybe he’s your friend, your friend-of-a-friend, your relative (unless we’re also related, of course), your co-worker, or your neighbor. Maybe he lives in Europe, or the U.S., or somewhere else entirely. I’m open to long-distance if there’s a real connection and a shared willingness to explore what’s possible.
Send him this post. Or send me his info. Scroll to the bottom of this post for more on logistics. ⬇️
And if you’re curious about all the wild, tender, hilarious, and bittersweet stories from Year 1 of Romance x Rail, you can find those here—with summaries, stories, lessons, and awards for "Best Chemistry," "Most Interesting Conversation," and “Most Emotionally Available Moment That Didn’t Lead to a Relationship But Was Still Really Beautiful.”
Thank you for helping me find love!
Thank you in advance for playing matchmaker. I trust your taste. 💌
With gratitude and open-hearted optimism,
Alison ❤️
Some Basics (that you might find on a dating profile)
The basics about me:
Age: 40
Profession: Public Health Consultant in Trauma-Informed Care, Health Coach
Education: BS UC Berkeley, MPH Boston University
Height: 5’10” (178cm)
Fitness level: very active
Religion: Athiest but with a lot of reverence for the miracle of life, Buddhist, Unitarian Universalist; nature is my favorite church
Wants a kid: Yes
Has kids: No
Pets: have had cats and a dog but currently none
Do I drink alcohol: occasionally, socially
Smoke cigarettes: no
Drugs: some psychedelics, occasionally, in the right setting—for connection and personal development
Hobbies: reading books, trail running, yoga, writing, attending electronic dance shows, attending live music (many genres), traveling/sightseeing, hiking, camping, stand-up paddle boarding, weight-lifting
Favorite film genre: Nordic Noir
Nationality: American
Hometown: San Luis Obispo, California
Location: Presently in Antalya, Türkiye, but have been nomadic since 2023. Open to living in a variety of locations.
Personality: a little bit beat-poet, a little bit always-needs-a-hard-challenge, and a lot emotional trauma detective and people-reader. Endlessly curious and always learning and growing.
Politics: fighting for equal rights but with an understanding that change can be slow; patient (although often exasperated) liberal centrist; no delusions of utopia, I think the next President of the USA should be Gavin Newsom. We need to get corporate control out of politics. We need universal healthcare.
Looking for:
Age: 30-50
Education: similar to mine
Height: 5’8” and up is probably best
Fitness level: active or very active
Religion: probably not super religious, but some mindfulness is good
Alcohol: no heavy drinkers
Smoke cigarettes: no (truly a deal-breaker as I can’t stand the smell)
Personality: curious, intentionally grateful, playful
Nationality & Location: open to any!
Kids: open to men with kids, must want another kid (with me)
Politics: no extremes
Referral Logistics
I live in a weird place right now (Antalya, Türkiye) but I’m nomadic and will move on to another city (as yet undecided) soon. All of my belongings and my car are at my condo in Boston, Massachusetts (a renter lives there right now). I’m often in California because that’s where my parents and brother live.
If you have a friend I should meet, we could have a first date over Zoom and then decide if it’s worth it to meet up in real life. Last year, when I started my Romance by Rail project, I matched with someone on The League, we had a couple of video chats, then he flew from Madrid to Zurich to meet in person. We spent some time together over a fun weekend and ultimately decided not to move forward. So, that’s the kind of thing that could happen.
But also, you could invite me to visit you/stay with you, and then I could meet your friend while there. I plan to move on to the next place in August.
If you know me, simply message me (email, iMessage, FB messenger, Signal, Instagram, LinkedIn) and say, “hey, I’d like to introduce you to John 23” and I’ll message you back and give you my WhatsApp number and you can give that to your friend.
If you don’t know me, slide into my DMs on Instagram: @kindwarrior.co
